Wednesday, 28 May 2014

Too fast

In one week my oldest son will walk across the stage at his high school graduation. Oh my god! That came way too fast!
It seems like only yesterday I held him in my arms for the first time, this morning that I took him to his first day of school. And dive minutes ago that he started high school. Where did the time go?
People always say they grow up too quick, but at the time when they don't sleep through the night or have temper tantrums for silly reasons, it seems to take forever.
You don't get long to do your job as a parent. To raise a boy into a man or a girl into a woman. So you better make sure every moment counts, every lesson is tought well, and every I love you is said loud and clear.
You won't agree with every choice they make or path they choose to walk. But if you have done your job, you know they will do whatever they choose to do, the best they can.
It's the hardest part of parenting, letting them do it on their own. I remember when he was learning to walk and I held my breath as I let go of his tiny fingers so he could take his wobbly steps. My heart stopped every time his dad let go of the bike seat when he was learning to ride a two wheeler. But each time he did it. He took the next step and made me so proud as he did.
This step may be his biggest step yet, but I have never been more proud of him. 
I know a parents job is never really done, but seeing him grow into the man he has become, makes me happy to know, I did a good job. 
He will walk across the stage next week in the last pair of boots we will buy him. He sure has grown since his first pair! 

Sunday, 25 May 2014

My books

If you like my blog check out my books! 

Aberrant. Delilah was bullied to death. then she came back for revenge.

The second book in my Aberrant series! Brother by Jo-Anne Sieppert

Nytstars. If you like Harry Potter you will love this!

Distracting the Distractions. Raising a child with ADD, a parents decision to medicate.
If you have a child with ADHD you need to read this!

Little Tyler. 

 Walk Gently Through My Mind, Tip Toe Through My Soul.

My second poetry book. Words Of My Soul.

Thursday, 22 May 2014

Your gift

Your gift
You gave us all a gift today
Though it cost your life to give
There is no greater price for you to pay
For the one we love to live
You didn't even know her name
Or the precious role she plays 
It was your time
The angels came 
And you made sure she stays
She can now watch her grand kids 
As they learn and laugh and grow
And she can plant her spring time flowers 
And welcome the winter snow 
She can see the babies first Christmas 
And the oldest graduate from school
She can see the middle ones handy work
And have a game of pool
And all of this is possible because you chose to give
The last gift you ever gave
Was for someone else to live
Thank you

Monday, 19 May 2014

Bitch # 1 Who the f**k is that in the mirror?

Sometimes I find the need to bitch. Not always about anything all that important, often random crap that just comes to my head. So here is my first, unimportant, random bitch .
undressed in the wrong part of my bedroom. I had to walk past the mirror to get to the closet, and I did so without even thinking, mistake #1 I turned and looked in the mirror, like really looked. Mistake #2 I mean examining every little, or should I say large, gigantic even, imperfection I found. The left over skin from having babies, eighteen and fourteen years ago. The stretch marks from those god awful nine months of shear hell. I'm sorry but when I see those women that glow of pure nurturing motherly beauty when they are pregnant, I just wanna chop their hair off or something to ugly them up a little. I puked all through my first pregnancy and got as big as a house through the second. I felt ugly and gross, I was gassy and smelly the whole time. Yuck! And I'm still carrying the weight! My belly is lined with horrible deep purple scars that I don't wear with pride, I cover up and pray that I will someday have a tummy tuck and they will be gone too. 
I looked at the horrible bit of skin under my arms that will prevent me from clapping in tshirts until I get back to the gym and work that and my ass off. I felt myself leaning in closer to the mirror for further inspection. I tried to pull back, knowing full well this will not have a pleasant out come. But instead my weakness to pick at all my flaws and little bumps and spots won over my apparently non existent self restraint. Oh my dear lord, what the hell happened to my face? Wait is that another grey hair? I thought I paid to have that evidence of my age covered up? Maybe it's just poor lighting in the bathroom, I'm sure that could cause it to look like I have all these imperfections that aren't really there. Oh thank god for make- up! 
I turned to my closet (full of clothes) fuck I have nothing to wear! Why is it that no matter how full your closet is, it never has anything to wear, well never the magic outfit that will make you look like a super model or Jennifer Aniston or who ever you wished you look like? I wonder if Jennifer ever wakes up and says "man I wish I looked like a frumpy woman who's had two kids and never got her body back." somehow I doubt it.
I put on my faithful jeans that seem to grow along with me, and a shirt that allows me to breath and not cover my middle with anything I can. 
There, I'm dressed. Let's go have dessert! 

Friday, 16 May 2014

Long weekend temptations.

Long weekends. We look forward to them, plan them weeks in advance, make the best of every minute, and eat crap the whole time.
Why is that? Why do long weekends and junk food go together like pop and chips, movies and popcorn, and cake and icecream? 
Is it possible to enjoy a long weekend and keep it healthy? I'm sure going to try!
Starting first thing Saturday morning. I mean now. Not sure how I'm going to spend the night at my BFF's house without our traditional junk food to go along with the movies and girly TV.
Why are there no convenient tasty, yet non fattening treats?
I don't mean cut up fruit and dip it in nonfat yogurt kind of treats I mean treats that taste like twizzlers, chocolate, and cake but have 0 calories or fat in them at all! 
I want to have my cake and eat it too and not get fat! Unrealistic I know, but a girl can dream.
I don't want to spend the whole weekend  gnawing on carrot sticks and looking longingly at people while they eat delicious stuff.
Maybe the key is balance, I eat my vegies, I can have one stick of licorice. Yeah like anyone can eat just one piece.
 So what does one do to get through the long weekend without adding ten pounds? I'll let you know. 
My plan is to try my best to not go crazy doing it.

Wednesday, 14 May 2014

Scale, you bitch.

I know, I'm awful to you. I leave you in the closet, on the floor no less. I only bring you out once in a while, and when I do, I walk all over you. Like I said I'm awful.
But that doesn't mean you have to be such a bitch! You just keep showing me what I don't want to see. You keep climbing up there, laughing as you go.
Well how are you going to laugh if I remove your batteries? It won't be so funny then will it?
Look scale, I don't want to fight with you, I would love it if we could just get along.
I will try to be more gentle, and maybe you could try to show me a lower number next time. Deal? 

Monday, 12 May 2014

Cold foot

After almost a year of a foot injury, I am finally trying physiotherapy.
I'm sitting here while my poor foot is wrapped in ice and feeling like it's going to freeze right off, while some massaging machine is supposed to be workin it's magic. But all I can think about is my freezing foot! 
The guy across from me looks to be getting a fantastic deep massage on his back. I wonder how I get one of those? 
The male therapist says to me as he's holding my foot. "Wow you have the tiniest feet, they're so cute." I couldn't help but blush as others in the room turn to look at my feet. It could have been worse, but I now wonder what is a normal foot size for women my height?
I'm 5ft and have size 6 feet. That seems normal to me, I think I would look funny with big feet.
The therapist used three different machines to work on my foot then tried massaging it himself. That didn't go so well, for him. He reached for my foot and grabbed a very tender spot, well my natural instinct kicked in, literally. He was at the right hight to get kicked where no man wants to get kicked.
I'm sure he is not looking forward to our next appointment!

Ode to Chocolate Cake

Ode to chocolate cake

Oh why oh why 
must you taste so good
I try to avoid you
I know that I should
But you have to sit there
Looking so delicious 
Some try to stop me
And then I get viscous 
Your light and fluffy
Sweet and creamy
I wouldn't mind 
But it's what you do to me
A few moments 
is all you take to devour 
But you make me fat
Unless I run for an hour 
Don't get me wrong
Your worth all the work
But you make me come back 
for seconds 
You jerk
There's no way I can make a two hour run
So now your gonna hang out on my bum 
Bigger and bigger 
you'll watch as I get
Unless I find will power
It's not over yet

Saturday, 10 May 2014


I have eleven weeks to change. OMG!
Change. Could there be a more scary word?
I am, like most a creature of habit. I like what I like and I don't want to give it up. The problem is what I like is food. More specifically, junk food. Chips, candy, cake, chocolate, cookies. Why do they all start with the letter C, that's weird!
You know what else starts with the letter C? Change. And that's going to be my new favorite C word. 
It's not going to be easy, the cravings (gees another C word!) the temptations, the tricks my stomach will play on me; trying to convince me it needs food, more specifically sugar. Frankly it's going to be brutal. 
But it's going to be worth it! I'm going to feel and look great. I'll be healthier, have more energy, and over all feel great.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to look great all over, not just in my middle. I don't want to look rediculous.
I know the other reasons are important too. But for me, right now, this is my most important reason.
And if this reason is what motivates me to lose the extra few pounds, which will in turn make me healthier and all that, then it's a win, win.

I'm not new to dieting and trying to be healthy, I've been doing it for a while. My success lately is maintaining my weight by diet while a foot injury has prevented me from working out for almost a year.
It hasn't been easy, there have been times I have eaten too much junk and then tried to make up for it by not eating very much. Not the best way to lose weight, I know.
But this is different. Now my ultimate goal is in sight. The one part of me that no diet or workout routine will change, is being changed in eleven weeks. So now I have motivation for the rest of it.

I have this crazy idea in my head, that if I eat too much junk, then poof! I will be back to the way I look now. And that terrifies me. I know it's not possible. I would have to have a baby for that too happen, and that isn't medically possible any more. But the fear is hopefully enough to help the change I need to make easier. 

I figure if I start now, eleven weeks should be long enough to create my new habits. To detox, to get a head start at transforming my body. I already have a list of all the clothes I want to wear after, and I'm trying to build up the nerve to post a before picture so my after picture will show how different I look. So why not make it the best damn picture I can! 

I can't look

I can't look too long in one singular spot
For I may find something that I had forgot 
A wrinkle a dark spot a blemish a mole 
Ugh time sure has taken it's toll
Things have all shifted 
To where they don't belong 
And other things I've lost them
They're just simply gone
My waist line for one
It vanished it did
Without a word where it was going 
adieu did not bid
Age gracefully young people have the nerve to say
Well I don't see them rushing to dye their hair gray
I once couldn't drink without showing ID
Now the kids at the bar are eighteen years younger than me
I shouldn't complain
I've done lots in my life
But if this gets much worse 
I'm going under the knife 

Friday, 9 May 2014


I've been a wife for eighteen and a half years and a mother for almost as long.
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change that for anything!
But one thing I would change is me.
More specifcly, my body. I know, I know. "The stretch marks and saggy skin are a badge a mother should wear with pride" well that's just bullshit!
I'm sorry to all of those I offend, but I'm no going to pretend that having a child means you have to be unhappy in your skin. Sure some people may actually believe the mother badge, and that's great! But for me, my extra skin I can either tuck into my pants or hang over the top is definitely not a source of pride.
My kids are, the skin isn't!

I want to look in the mirror and feel beautiful again. I want to be me again.

So my Mother's Day gift to myself this year is exactly that! I'm giving myself, myself. And I can't wait! 
I have spent fourteen years (since my youngest son was born) trying to get my body back. I've tried it all, every gimic gadget and magic pill and nothing has worked on my stomach. So there is only one thing left. And today I booked my surgery!
Excited doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. Ecstatic, relieved, overwhelmed, I could go on and on.
It's been years of not being able to buy the clothes I want, feeling embarrassed to wear anything that fits but may show my stomach.
If I managed to find a shirt I feel comfortable in I would buy as many as I could. I go shopping with friends who don't have the same problem and it isn't long before I fall into a familiar self loathing hole I am accustomed to.
I know, beauty is only skin deep, bla bla bla. 
But feeling beautiful is what makes me feel whole as a woman. I don't care if others think I look beautiful or not. I only care if I feel beautiful. And other than this one flaw, I do.