Friday, 9 May 2014

Me

I've been a wife for eighteen and a half years and a mother for almost as long.
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change that for anything!
But one thing I would change is me.
More specifcly, my body. I know, I know. "The stretch marks and saggy skin are a badge a mother should wear with pride" well that's just bullshit!
I'm sorry to all of those I offend, but I'm no going to pretend that having a child means you have to be unhappy in your skin. Sure some people may actually believe the mother badge, and that's great! But for me, my extra skin I can either tuck into my pants or hang over the top is definitely not a source of pride.
My kids are, the skin isn't!

I want to look in the mirror and feel beautiful again. I want to be me again.

So my Mother's Day gift to myself this year is exactly that! I'm giving myself, myself. And I can't wait! 
I have spent fourteen years (since my youngest son was born) trying to get my body back. I've tried it all, every gimic gadget and magic pill and nothing has worked on my stomach. So there is only one thing left. And today I booked my surgery!
Excited doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. Ecstatic, relieved, overwhelmed, I could go on and on.
It's been years of not being able to buy the clothes I want, feeling embarrassed to wear anything that fits but may show my stomach.
If I managed to find a shirt I feel comfortable in I would buy as many as I could. I go shopping with friends who don't have the same problem and it isn't long before I fall into a familiar self loathing hole I am accustomed to.
I know, beauty is only skin deep, bla bla bla. 
But feeling beautiful is what makes me feel whole as a woman. I don't care if others think I look beautiful or not. I only care if I feel beautiful. And other than this one flaw, I do.


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