Sunday 17 August 2014


My favorite thing to do lately is make juice!
It's silly I know, but it's so tasty, healthy, easy, and I enjoy doing it.
I bought the NutriBullet and all you need aside from that is a bowl, empty bottles or jug, a strainer (if you don't like pulp) and spoon.
I strain the pulp and bake muffins with it, they turn out moist and delicious. 
Orange juice is my favorite. But you can make pretty much anything. I don't follow the recipes that came with the NutriBullet because I never have all the stuff needed. It would be crazy expensive to make them and have a veriety of flavours to choose from.
So this is my recipe for Orange juice.
4 oranges 
1 Lemmon 
Water to the max line on the NutriBullet cups.

This makes 1L of juice, minus the pulp.
It's delicious and good for you! If you don't like orange juice, try whatever fruit you like! 

Tuesday 12 August 2014

12 days later

It has now been 12 days since my surgery and I'm feeling good. Sometimes even great! As long as I don't over do it.
The surgery itself went great. The day of I showed up, full of excitement, ready to leave my pain, discomfort, and unhappiness behinde.
The years of waiting and longing was finally over. There was no room for nerves, no time for doubt. I was on the operating table less than thirty minutes after getting to the surgical center.
I don't remember much after that. I don't remember my friend driving me home, I don't remember the conversation I had with my neighbor I have never formally introduced myself to. I only hope I didn't embarrass myself too bad.
I also don't remember being changed into the nightgown I woke up in, or the having the pictures taken I found in my phone a few days later.
I spent the next few days and nights on the recliner in the family room. Thankfully my youngest son was a trouper and slept on the couch each night with me. We watched movies, tv shows, and hanging out. It was a great way to recover.
The pain sucks, the itch sucks worse. The binder is uncomfortable and the numbing feeling gives me the willies. But OMG is it worth it!!
I can see the results already, I know they will only get better from here. The health issues are fixed and I am going to look great because of it. I couldn't ask for anything more!
The picture I posted are of before and after, then week ones results.
I'm happy so far, and surprisingly excited to get back to the gym. 

Saturday 26 July 2014

An evening out.

My new favorite pastime is sitting outside on my deck in the evening.
Wrapped in a blanket when the sun starts to descend. The chill is welcomed after the heat of a summers day.
The breeze teasing the pages of my book as I am lost in the story. It's euphoric and peaceful.
As the light slowly fades and the dim shimmer of the candles fail to light the pages of my book, I simply sit and listen to teenagers enjoying their summer evenings of freedom.
It's so easy to forget to slow down, take time to yourself, and enjoy the simple pleasures that life offers.
An evenings out, has taken on a whole new meaning for me, and I couldn't be happier. 

Friday 25 July 2014

One week

There is only one week to go until my surgery. In fact, this time next week I will already be recovering! 
No nerves yet, just excitement. I'm eager to feel better and look better. 
I can't wait to be able to use my core strength, well actually to have some core strength to use.
I'm looking forward to not having back pain, or an uncomfortable hanging weight I'm lugging around all day. The discomfort and irritation around my scars will be gone, and tenderness and swelling also gone. Not to mention, my stomach will look amazing! 
I know there is going to be a lot of pain and discomfort from the surgery, but it is more than worth it! 
I'm ready! This week will not go fast enough!

I had my preop appointment a few days ago and had the dreaded before pictures.
It was like the dreaded 360 mirror on What not to wear. Only a 100 times worse because it was just me in my underwear being photographed. I will not be posting those pictures lol
But the day of my surgery I will post before pics. 
I think my only concern now, is how will I keep my puppy from laying on my stomach, it's his favorite place to nap. 

Wednesday 16 July 2014

15 days to go!

Fifteen days to go until my surgery!! I am beyond excited!
I know I should be a little nervous, but I'm not. I can't wait to feel normal again. To be able to just get dressed in the morning without all the stress clothes give me now! To not have pain and discomfort from my scars and the lack of core strength. No sore back from lifting, no discomfort from running. I can't wait! 
I've been doing what I like to call, pre surgery nesting. I shaved my dogs, a task I don't want to worry about while recovering. I went shopping for all gifts I will need during recovery time, just in case I'm not up to going to the mall after.
I have also bought things to make my recovery better. Such as comfy clothing, cheap bedding, just in case. A blanket to wrap up it when sitting on the deck at night. All things that seem like they maybe important, but may not be. I still have things on my list, like Popsicles I may want while I can't eat much, and favorite foods for when I can eat. 
It's just not coming fast enough lol 
Tomorrow is my pre op appointment, and I will be doing before pictures. So hopefully I will be brave enough to post them! 

Sunday 6 July 2014

The ER

I have been to the ER twice in the last week, my poor friend has been I'll.
Like any friend would do when they get a call saying their BFF is off to the ER, I packed my "all night wait in an ER bag" and headed there to meet her.
Now I will point out that we live at opposite ends if the city, and heading to the north for someone who lives in the south is like going to another city. The culture shock can be alarming. And as most from the south end would tell you, going to some parts of the north is going to the hood.
The hospital is smack dab in the middle of said hood! 
On my second visit, I locked my car securely in the paid parking area, hoping I would see it one piece when I left. And headed to the doors. Now after the first visit I thought maybe I am snobby, or sheltered, or a princess? But my second visit confirmed that is not the case. Or at least not 100% of the case at least.
While heading to the doors, alone at night. I see a couple having sex in the bushes, who actual asked if I had any change, however not stopping to do so. 
A man asked me if I had any chickens for sale. A woman asked if I would watch her baby while she got high. Yet had no baby. (I alerted security) Two kids were a sleep on a bench, with pillows and blankets. (Security alerted again) and finally a man peeing in the bush by the doors. All this before I even made it into the doors! 
I could write a novel about all the different characters in the waiting room. And some probably will make it into a book here and there.
Now I don't mean to sound snobby and judgmental, but I have never seen anything like this at the south hospitals. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, I have just never seen it.
I would like to think that I am accepting of all humans and treat them all the same. I do try my best to. But sometimes humans make it hard!
Especially when drinking alcohol in the ER waiting room, or running out to "smoke a fatty" because you have been waiting so long you're mellow was harshed.
And to the guy who insisted on telling everyone you didn't pay the hooker because she gave you a rash. And the family who brought their kids in because you smoked pot and they now look a funny colour to you. And the man who drove his car over his own foot (not sure how one does that), you are not helping me to not be not so snobby...
Thankfully my car was in one piece when I returned. And the kids on the bench were no longer there. Nor where the couple in the bushes.
And I made it back to the south safe and sound.
I guess I am just a princess lol 

Wednesday 18 June 2014

Don't judge me

Don't judge me because of where I'm from
It's where I'm going that matters 
Don't judge me because of my religion 
It's having faith in myself that's imperative 
Don't judge me about my political stand point 
It's standing with my head held high, self respect, and self confidence that's important
Don't judge me about who I love 
It only matters that I am able to love and worthy of being loved
Don't judge who I am
I'm human just like you

Thursday 12 June 2014

Super Hero

I know a super hero
Who does not wear a cape
But he often fixes toys
With his super powerful tape
He does not leap over buildings
Or spin a fancy web
But can chase away all monsters from underneath my bed
He doesn't double in size 
Or turn the colour green
But when he builds a fort with me
It's the best I've ever seen
He doesn't wear a suit that fires guns
Or laser beams 
But when I wake at night crying 
He always fixes my bad dreams
He can not turn invisible 
Or out run a speeding train
But when I fall off my bike
He can take away the pain
My super hero is special 
The best I've ever had 
You may know him by a code name 
But his hero name is Dad 

Monday 9 June 2014

The politician

The devil cries out through the wind
To the mighty who have blatantly sinned
Who take from the ones who are already poor
And gave to the greedy always needing more
He sees you hiding so cowardly by
I am innocent you shamefully cry
My job I was doing you try to explain
Begging forgiveness when judgment day came
The devil calls out to you his friend 
To live together in your fiery end 
I did the best that I could do 
You shout to the devil who's waiting for you 
Your best you say with all your might
But that doesn't really sound quite right 
Your best would clearly have been far more 
If you were half the man you were before
If you were still the man looking to lead
Instead of the politician driven be greed
If you were the man that promised to please
Instead of the lier now begging on his knees
Forgiveness your people can give for your sins
But not I for I am the hell your torture within 

Sunday 8 June 2014

Woman to Woman

Lately I have noticed that more and more women struggle with supporting other women. (Especially in a certain women's support group)
This baffles me. Granted it is not all women, but a good majority.
They seem to have very little tollerence for anyone's support or advice that is being offered, if said advice isn't exactly what they want to hear. Which leads me to the question, why were they even asking for advice in the first place then?
I understand that some women have strong views and opinions, but I don't see the need to make others feel bad about there views if they differ.
And the amount of bashing eachother and belittling is rediculous!
There is definitely one or two that seem to have nothing better to do than to try and make others feel bad about themselves.
Now I'm well aware that the mature thing to do is to leave the group, forget about it, I don't need that in my life.
But there is a part of me that hopes that they will get better, that these women will grow up, learn to treat others as they would have others treat them. And be classy, intelligent women and build each other up, instead of knocking each other down.
Then I hate to admit that there is another small, tiny, minuscule even, part of me that can't turn away. The group is a train wreck, you know you shouldn't, but you have to look.
Occasionally you can get good advice and answers to questions, but the few bad apples seem to be taking over the whole bunch.
As women we need eachother. We need a good girls night every now and then. We need to giggle about silly things while eating junk. Cry at a sad movie and jump and scream at the scary ones together. We need eachother to tell us if our jeans make us look fat, and to share clothes and secrets with.
Our girl fiends, best friends, sisters, mothers, auntes, and grandmothers are our alies, they are the only ones who have any idea what we are going through. Girls need eachother, we are a team, all of us! And a team is only as strong as their weakest player. So it's time we make them all strong! 

Friday 6 June 2014


After trying so many different diets and failing, I have come to the conclusion that you have to make diet choices that are realistic. Cutting out carbs and going fad, I mean gluten free completely. Is not realistic!
You may do it for a while, but it won't last. It can't, life will get in the way. So my theory is, cut down, not out!
I only cut out the things I will not miss/don't really like all that much anyway. Like spaghetti, or MacDonald's. 
Lowering carb intake is okay. Cutting it out completely will leave you tiered, hungry, constipated, and miserable. You will eventually give that up and gain more weight than you lost in the first place. 
Making a healthy lifestyle choice is far better than dieting!
Lower your salt intake drastically!
Use a measuring cup to monitor carbs.
And have one treat day a week instead of one treat a day. 
Use smaller plates and drink more water. Lemmon water is great. And if you struggle drinking water (like I do) use a cup with a straw it's easier.
Try making your own juices. I use the nutribullet, I don't like pulp so I strain it and make muffins or Popsicles with the pulp.
All the changes you make are going to make difference, how much of a difference depends on how committed you are. I was working out for well over a year and frankly wasn't getting anywhere. I would loose a pound then gain two. Loose four and gain back three. It was totally frustrating.
I haven't been able to work out for almost six months now due to a foot injury. I have been watching what I eat like crazy, lowering portions and eliminating foods I didn't care about eating. I've been impressed at how much that makes a difference. Considering I've barley been able to walk around the house, let alone go for a walk or run on the treadmill I should have gained weight, at least a few pounds and surprisingly I haven't. I have actually lost two pounds.
I think what you eat has a huge impact on your weight, far more than I ever realized.
If I go out for dinner I still try to eat somewhat healthy. But I occasionally splurge on dessert and I don't really guilty at all. I tend to share the dessert at least, but truthfully I couldn't eat a whole meal and dessert in one sitting anyway. 
It's all about balance, at the end of the day, you do want to be thin and miserable. 

Wednesday 28 May 2014

Too fast

In one week my oldest son will walk across the stage at his high school graduation. Oh my god! That came way too fast!
It seems like only yesterday I held him in my arms for the first time, this morning that I took him to his first day of school. And dive minutes ago that he started high school. Where did the time go?
People always say they grow up too quick, but at the time when they don't sleep through the night or have temper tantrums for silly reasons, it seems to take forever.
You don't get long to do your job as a parent. To raise a boy into a man or a girl into a woman. So you better make sure every moment counts, every lesson is tought well, and every I love you is said loud and clear.
You won't agree with every choice they make or path they choose to walk. But if you have done your job, you know they will do whatever they choose to do, the best they can.
It's the hardest part of parenting, letting them do it on their own. I remember when he was learning to walk and I held my breath as I let go of his tiny fingers so he could take his wobbly steps. My heart stopped every time his dad let go of the bike seat when he was learning to ride a two wheeler. But each time he did it. He took the next step and made me so proud as he did.
This step may be his biggest step yet, but I have never been more proud of him. 
I know a parents job is never really done, but seeing him grow into the man he has become, makes me happy to know, I did a good job. 
He will walk across the stage next week in the last pair of boots we will buy him. He sure has grown since his first pair! 

Sunday 25 May 2014

My books

If you like my blog check out my books! 

Aberrant. Delilah was bullied to death. then she came back for revenge.

The second book in my Aberrant series! Brother by Jo-Anne Sieppert

Nytstars. If you like Harry Potter you will love this!

Distracting the Distractions. Raising a child with ADD, a parents decision to medicate.
If you have a child with ADHD you need to read this!

Little Tyler. 

 Walk Gently Through My Mind, Tip Toe Through My Soul.

My second poetry book. Words Of My Soul.

Thursday 22 May 2014

Your gift

Your gift
You gave us all a gift today
Though it cost your life to give
There is no greater price for you to pay
For the one we love to live
You didn't even know her name
Or the precious role she plays 
It was your time
The angels came 
And you made sure she stays
She can now watch her grand kids 
As they learn and laugh and grow
And she can plant her spring time flowers 
And welcome the winter snow 
She can see the babies first Christmas 
And the oldest graduate from school
She can see the middle ones handy work
And have a game of pool
And all of this is possible because you chose to give
The last gift you ever gave
Was for someone else to live
Thank you

Monday 19 May 2014

Bitch # 1 Who the f**k is that in the mirror?

Sometimes I find the need to bitch. Not always about anything all that important, often random crap that just comes to my head. So here is my first, unimportant, random bitch .
undressed in the wrong part of my bedroom. I had to walk past the mirror to get to the closet, and I did so without even thinking, mistake #1 I turned and looked in the mirror, like really looked. Mistake #2 I mean examining every little, or should I say large, gigantic even, imperfection I found. The left over skin from having babies, eighteen and fourteen years ago. The stretch marks from those god awful nine months of shear hell. I'm sorry but when I see those women that glow of pure nurturing motherly beauty when they are pregnant, I just wanna chop their hair off or something to ugly them up a little. I puked all through my first pregnancy and got as big as a house through the second. I felt ugly and gross, I was gassy and smelly the whole time. Yuck! And I'm still carrying the weight! My belly is lined with horrible deep purple scars that I don't wear with pride, I cover up and pray that I will someday have a tummy tuck and they will be gone too. 
I looked at the horrible bit of skin under my arms that will prevent me from clapping in tshirts until I get back to the gym and work that and my ass off. I felt myself leaning in closer to the mirror for further inspection. I tried to pull back, knowing full well this will not have a pleasant out come. But instead my weakness to pick at all my flaws and little bumps and spots won over my apparently non existent self restraint. Oh my dear lord, what the hell happened to my face? Wait is that another grey hair? I thought I paid to have that evidence of my age covered up? Maybe it's just poor lighting in the bathroom, I'm sure that could cause it to look like I have all these imperfections that aren't really there. Oh thank god for make- up! 
I turned to my closet (full of clothes) fuck I have nothing to wear! Why is it that no matter how full your closet is, it never has anything to wear, well never the magic outfit that will make you look like a super model or Jennifer Aniston or who ever you wished you look like? I wonder if Jennifer ever wakes up and says "man I wish I looked like a frumpy woman who's had two kids and never got her body back." somehow I doubt it.
I put on my faithful jeans that seem to grow along with me, and a shirt that allows me to breath and not cover my middle with anything I can. 
There, I'm dressed. Let's go have dessert! 

Friday 16 May 2014

Long weekend temptations.

Long weekends. We look forward to them, plan them weeks in advance, make the best of every minute, and eat crap the whole time.
Why is that? Why do long weekends and junk food go together like pop and chips, movies and popcorn, and cake and icecream? 
Is it possible to enjoy a long weekend and keep it healthy? I'm sure going to try!
Starting first thing Saturday morning. I mean now. Not sure how I'm going to spend the night at my BFF's house without our traditional junk food to go along with the movies and girly TV.
Why are there no convenient tasty, yet non fattening treats?
I don't mean cut up fruit and dip it in nonfat yogurt kind of treats I mean treats that taste like twizzlers, chocolate, and cake but have 0 calories or fat in them at all! 
I want to have my cake and eat it too and not get fat! Unrealistic I know, but a girl can dream.
I don't want to spend the whole weekend  gnawing on carrot sticks and looking longingly at people while they eat delicious stuff.
Maybe the key is balance, I eat my vegies, I can have one stick of licorice. Yeah like anyone can eat just one piece.
 So what does one do to get through the long weekend without adding ten pounds? I'll let you know. 
My plan is to try my best to not go crazy doing it.

Wednesday 14 May 2014

Scale, you bitch.

I know, I'm awful to you. I leave you in the closet, on the floor no less. I only bring you out once in a while, and when I do, I walk all over you. Like I said I'm awful.
But that doesn't mean you have to be such a bitch! You just keep showing me what I don't want to see. You keep climbing up there, laughing as you go.
Well how are you going to laugh if I remove your batteries? It won't be so funny then will it?
Look scale, I don't want to fight with you, I would love it if we could just get along.
I will try to be more gentle, and maybe you could try to show me a lower number next time. Deal? 

Monday 12 May 2014

Cold foot

After almost a year of a foot injury, I am finally trying physiotherapy.
I'm sitting here while my poor foot is wrapped in ice and feeling like it's going to freeze right off, while some massaging machine is supposed to be workin it's magic. But all I can think about is my freezing foot! 
The guy across from me looks to be getting a fantastic deep massage on his back. I wonder how I get one of those? 
The male therapist says to me as he's holding my foot. "Wow you have the tiniest feet, they're so cute." I couldn't help but blush as others in the room turn to look at my feet. It could have been worse, but I now wonder what is a normal foot size for women my height?
I'm 5ft and have size 6 feet. That seems normal to me, I think I would look funny with big feet.
The therapist used three different machines to work on my foot then tried massaging it himself. That didn't go so well, for him. He reached for my foot and grabbed a very tender spot, well my natural instinct kicked in, literally. He was at the right hight to get kicked where no man wants to get kicked.
I'm sure he is not looking forward to our next appointment!

Ode to Chocolate Cake

Ode to chocolate cake

Oh why oh why 
must you taste so good
I try to avoid you
I know that I should
But you have to sit there
Looking so delicious 
Some try to stop me
And then I get viscous 
Your light and fluffy
Sweet and creamy
I wouldn't mind 
But it's what you do to me
A few moments 
is all you take to devour 
But you make me fat
Unless I run for an hour 
Don't get me wrong
Your worth all the work
But you make me come back 
for seconds 
You jerk
There's no way I can make a two hour run
So now your gonna hang out on my bum 
Bigger and bigger 
you'll watch as I get
Unless I find will power
It's not over yet

Saturday 10 May 2014


I have eleven weeks to change. OMG!
Change. Could there be a more scary word?
I am, like most a creature of habit. I like what I like and I don't want to give it up. The problem is what I like is food. More specifically, junk food. Chips, candy, cake, chocolate, cookies. Why do they all start with the letter C, that's weird!
You know what else starts with the letter C? Change. And that's going to be my new favorite C word. 
It's not going to be easy, the cravings (gees another C word!) the temptations, the tricks my stomach will play on me; trying to convince me it needs food, more specifically sugar. Frankly it's going to be brutal. 
But it's going to be worth it! I'm going to feel and look great. I'll be healthier, have more energy, and over all feel great.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to look great all over, not just in my middle. I don't want to look rediculous.
I know the other reasons are important too. But for me, right now, this is my most important reason.
And if this reason is what motivates me to lose the extra few pounds, which will in turn make me healthier and all that, then it's a win, win.

I'm not new to dieting and trying to be healthy, I've been doing it for a while. My success lately is maintaining my weight by diet while a foot injury has prevented me from working out for almost a year.
It hasn't been easy, there have been times I have eaten too much junk and then tried to make up for it by not eating very much. Not the best way to lose weight, I know.
But this is different. Now my ultimate goal is in sight. The one part of me that no diet or workout routine will change, is being changed in eleven weeks. So now I have motivation for the rest of it.

I have this crazy idea in my head, that if I eat too much junk, then poof! I will be back to the way I look now. And that terrifies me. I know it's not possible. I would have to have a baby for that too happen, and that isn't medically possible any more. But the fear is hopefully enough to help the change I need to make easier. 

I figure if I start now, eleven weeks should be long enough to create my new habits. To detox, to get a head start at transforming my body. I already have a list of all the clothes I want to wear after, and I'm trying to build up the nerve to post a before picture so my after picture will show how different I look. So why not make it the best damn picture I can! 

I can't look

I can't look too long in one singular spot
For I may find something that I had forgot 
A wrinkle a dark spot a blemish a mole 
Ugh time sure has taken it's toll
Things have all shifted 
To where they don't belong 
And other things I've lost them
They're just simply gone
My waist line for one
It vanished it did
Without a word where it was going 
adieu did not bid
Age gracefully young people have the nerve to say
Well I don't see them rushing to dye their hair gray
I once couldn't drink without showing ID
Now the kids at the bar are eighteen years younger than me
I shouldn't complain
I've done lots in my life
But if this gets much worse 
I'm going under the knife 

Friday 9 May 2014


I've been a wife for eighteen and a half years and a mother for almost as long.
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change that for anything!
But one thing I would change is me.
More specifcly, my body. I know, I know. "The stretch marks and saggy skin are a badge a mother should wear with pride" well that's just bullshit!
I'm sorry to all of those I offend, but I'm no going to pretend that having a child means you have to be unhappy in your skin. Sure some people may actually believe the mother badge, and that's great! But for me, my extra skin I can either tuck into my pants or hang over the top is definitely not a source of pride.
My kids are, the skin isn't!

I want to look in the mirror and feel beautiful again. I want to be me again.

So my Mother's Day gift to myself this year is exactly that! I'm giving myself, myself. And I can't wait! 
I have spent fourteen years (since my youngest son was born) trying to get my body back. I've tried it all, every gimic gadget and magic pill and nothing has worked on my stomach. So there is only one thing left. And today I booked my surgery!
Excited doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. Ecstatic, relieved, overwhelmed, I could go on and on.
It's been years of not being able to buy the clothes I want, feeling embarrassed to wear anything that fits but may show my stomach.
If I managed to find a shirt I feel comfortable in I would buy as many as I could. I go shopping with friends who don't have the same problem and it isn't long before I fall into a familiar self loathing hole I am accustomed to.
I know, beauty is only skin deep, bla bla bla. 
But feeling beautiful is what makes me feel whole as a woman. I don't care if others think I look beautiful or not. I only care if I feel beautiful. And other than this one flaw, I do.